Plans for the Future, Part 2

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” everyone always says. I’m convinced that time flies regardless of whether one is having fun or not! The past month has gone by so quickly. I wish I could say that all of it was fun, but to be honest, it wasn’t. But God is good all the time, and He always has a plan!

On the fun side, my parents were able to visit me! I had a fantastic time with them. I was happy that they were able to meet the friends I have made while living here.

My time here so far has certainly been perspective-transforming, because I was completely unprepared for this training program! The weekend when we all took a camping trip together exposed me to my inadequacy. But God has been at work in my life! He’s been changing my reasons for being here. While I came wanting to receive missions training, my bigger reason for coming was to receive the college credit offered. Because of that, the first few weeks of my stay were difficult because I viewed myself as somehow set apart from everyone else here. While everyone else here was a candidates, I, on the other hand, was a college student.

Since the first day I got here, staff and candidates alike made it plain that their objective was to convince me to stay here for the full eleven-month program as a candidate. I initially resisted, because Camille the College Student had plans to accomplish. But in the past few weeks, I’ve been letting go of my plans and asking God what His plans are. The more I considered, the more I was convicted that God wants me to minister here in this place, and finish this training so that I will know how to better serve Him for the rest of my life. So I started praying, trying to find out what God’s will was: if I should really stay, or if I should go home at the end of three months after all. I have becoming increasingly more convinced that God wants me here. During the course of my parents’ visit, they gave me permission to stay here. That is what I am working towards now. Now I am Camille the Candidate.

Since I know that it is God’s will for me to stay here, I am confident that He will provide all my needs. He has already provided for me overwhelmingly. He takes care of the birds and the flowers, and I know He will take care of me! My estimate is that staying here will cost about $5,000. I am unsure as to where those funds will come from, but what is a few thousand dollars to a God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills?

An Experience With Death

I just received word that a friend whom I have known since I was eight fell asleep yesterday: she fell asleep on earth, and woke up in the arms of her Saviour.

Death always makes me jealous, for some reason. I have a strange obsession with heaven. I want to pass on from this world to what my soul was made for, which is eternity. I want to be with God, complete in His presence, free from sin, forever. I can't wait till the time when "I'll fly away!"

In times of separation, I always turn to 2 Corinthians 4 and 5. Please read these verses below.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

Since we have the same spirit of faith according to what has been written, “I believed, and so I spoke,” we also believe, and so we also speak, knowing that he who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and bring us with you into his presence. For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, ho has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

These verses have a lot to say about death and the death-like quality of life we now live on earth. While we might not be forsaken, we are persecuted. While we might not be driven to despair, we are nonetheless perplexed. We are here, living amongst the transient things that we don't want or need, longing for the eternal things which are out of our reach.

We constantly bear witness to the necessity of Jesus' work of redemption through our death-like state of life. We are said to "groan" in this tent, longing that our transient nature would be swallowed up by the eternal.

I feel the weight of these emotions every time I learn of a death. I think, "That person is no longer groaning. He or she is rejoicing, in the presence of God of very God; worshiping, adoring, glorying in His presence. I desire that!"

Paul fueled those desires he felt into a motivation for evangelism. Re-read the final two paragraphs to understand how he accomplishes this. He describes the Christian's desire for life eternal and explains how our living deaths point a dying world to Christ. He describes the change that has taken place in us through reconciliation: we were old creatures, now we are new. This mystery has been committed to us to pass on to others. That makes us ambassadors of heaven on earth. Because of this, we ought to constantly be appealing to others to seek reconciliation with God through the means provided in the Word of God.

Are you an ambassador? How has your experience of death impacted your appeals to others?

"The Man Who Never Lost An Hour"

[Originally written as a report for a class at The Master's Mission]

Five Pioneer Missionaries covers the lives of David Brainerd, William C. Burns, John Eliot, Henry Martyn, and John G. Paton. Of all these missionaries, the most interesting to me were David Brainerd and Henry Martyn. They were remarkably similar in many respects. Obviously, both were missionaries, both died young from tuberculosis, both earned high honours in their academic careers, both translated portions of the Bible into various languages, and both fell in love but never married before their deaths.

David Brainerd is probably a more familiar name to most Christians today, so I decided to write my report on Henry Martyn. He was saved while in college. Even before his conversion, he was described as “the man who never lost an hour;” he did nothing by halves, and when he was dramatically changed by Christ, his energy was diverted from academics to spiritual growth. He came in contact with Charles Simeon and the diary of David Brainerd, which encouraged him to pursue missions.

After being ordained, he obtained a post as a chaplain in the East India Company. He was assigned to minister in Dinapore and Patna. His friend said of him, “He went forth to preach the Gospel to the heathen, and it was his fixed resolution to live and die amongst them. When he left England, he left it wholly for Christ’s sake, and he left it forever.” This single-minded devotion characterized all of his life. He wrote of himself before he went to India, “I have hitherto lived to little purpose, more like a clod than a servant of God; now let me burn out for God.”

He certainly did burn out for God! Many factors contributed to the “heat” or fire in his life: paganism, official duties, lack of real spiritual response, opposition from Europeans and Indians, his imperfect mastery of Hindustani, rejection, poor health, a move, disagreeable partners, and exhaustion. Eventually he was forced to leave India because of his poor health. He then went to Persia in order to perfect Arabic and Persian translations of the Bible.

Those who met Martyn in Persia described him as cheerful, prayerful, enthusiastic, scholarly, intelligent, and agreeable. Keep in mind – this was after he’d undergone great spiritual opposition while serving God in India! While he burned out for God, he did not allow any root of bitterness to grow in his heart. He focused wholly and fully on God’s sovereignty in spite of his circumstances. He allowed God to continue to use him to the very end. When he finished his translation of the New Testament into Persian, he traveled with his precious Bible in order to have it approved for publication. After two meetings with the Shah, it was indeed published!

Martyn knew he was dying and decided to make on final attempt to return to England to die there. He never finished his journey. He died half-way to Constantinople. However, his life had many far-reaching implications. His Bibles greatly impacted the Hindu and Muslim communities, and his life served as a great example and encouragement to future missionaries. He believed that God was powerful, real, and mighty, and this knowledge he faithfully applied to his life. The biographer wrote this about his life: “Above all, Henry Martyn has left us an example, not an example of the perfect man, but of what God can do with a very imperfect man who takes God seriously.” This quote encouraged me and reminded me how God works through ordinary people who offer themselves up to God to be used and who vows never to waste an hour of life that can be lived for God.

What I Learned About Chickens

I had the craziest adventure ever last night! Lucy, our roommate, came home after men’s technical and said to Alexis and I, “Oh, we’re supposed to pack overnight bags and meet at the shop at 1:30. Jim said something about camping.” Lucy said we were going to spend a night in the woods, and that this sort of thing would help us prepare in case we were ever really evacuated on a mission field. I started getting excited. I’ve never truly been camping aside from back-yard camping. I grabbed a pillow, two blankets, the hatchet, a long sleeved shirt, my sweater, a cup, a bowl, a spoon, two granola bars, Scrabble, a lighter, my Bible, and other miscellaneous things. Thirty-five or so of us all met, and then the singles went up the mountain, and the families went down the mountain. We parked the vehicles and we singles hiked down to the waterfall while the families hiked up.

We gathered wood, kindling, moss, and twigs to burn. Once we got fires going, more staff arrived with dinner. I almost died. The staff had live chickens, ten or so. The chicken’s feet were banded together, so we held them with their heads falling down near the ground. All the wives asked their husbands for axes, machetes, Kabar knives . . . whatever. I didn’t even look at my chicken. I knew there was no way in the world I could kill it.

Barb started talking about how to kill a chicken. You snap the band around it’s feet after laying it down on the ground, wings outstretched and holding it down with your feet on the wings. Then you grab it’s head and hold it and saw the knife over the jugular. Heather killed her chicken first, and it started kicking her, so she jumped aside and the chicken jumped up and started running around, head completely severed, lying a yard away, eyes still blinking. I think everyone screamed, and someone went to go get the chicken after it stopped. Everyone was laughing, but I started crying inside. There was no way I could kill that chicken I was holding. The thought disgusted and revolted me.

Barb verbally walked Heather through the process of gutting the chicken, putting one’s hand inside from the bottom (I think you had to make another cut to do that) and pulling out the guts. Feet came next. Then Rochelle killed her chicken. I stopped watching after that. I stood somewhat apart, looking at my chicken. No way in the world . . . .

The guys had hiked back to the cars to get rice and pots and pans. Mike came out of nowhere, completely scaring me. “You okay?” he asked. I shook my head emphatically: no! I told him I could not kill that chicken. “In the military training I went through there were things I thought I couldn’t do, but I always found out there were things in me I didn’t know where there. You’ll find that inside of you,” he said. “But I don’t want to find that inside me!” I protested. He had to leave then, and Shari (who’s an ex-marine and now a police officer) came over and started “working on me.” I was so frustrated. No one else seemed phased by such a horrible means of killing. Shari and Barb continued to try to talk me into killing the chicken.

By this time, everyone else had killed her chicken. I said I thought, maybe, if only Barb and Shari were there I could kill my chicken. So everyone left. It was just me, Barb, Shari, and the chicken. I couldn’t bring myself to cut the jugular. Shari did more than I did. I was sobbing the whole time, vowing to never eat any part of that chicken. It was horrible. Then I had to pluck my chicken of it’s lovely black and brown-flecked feathers. I had to break its neck off, and cut it in pieces.

The rest of the evening was fine. Everyone ate chicken and rice, except for me, who only ate rice. Jack made some amazing chai tea, too. After dinner we roasted marshmallows and talked around the campfire. I didn’t talk much. I was still torn up over the chicken ordeal. Lucy had set up the tent we had borrowed from Jack. It was just big enough for us. Lucy laid down a rubber mat on her side, and I laid down my thick fleecy blanket. By 11:00 p.m. we were under her unzipped sleeping back, cozy as beans in a pod.

We woke up about three times in the night. Lucy kept getting colder and colder. Pretty soon, she had her sweater, my sweater, and the sleeping bag wrapped around her. I just had a small blanket wrapped around my feet, and the blanket I was sleeping on had to stay down to keep the floor warm. I wasn’t cold at all until around 6:00 in the morning, I think, despite the fact I had no blankets.

We woke up at around 7:00. Jack made Lucy coffee, and we ate granola bars for breakfast. By 9:00 I was home in my cabin, enjoying what now seems to be civilization!

Craziness aside, this experience did teach me something. As everyone was trying to coax me into killing that chicken, I thought about the fact that I’ve eaten chicken all my life and never thought of how anyone ever killed it. “Ignorance is bliss” for sure! I also thought about how humans in general react when confronted suddenly with “out of sight, out of mind” issues, like chicken-killing. Sometimes we treat our sinful natures that way. We shove sin out of our minds, ignoring how cruel and disgusting it is to God. I also thought about how poverty, abortion, and slavery end up in the same boat. Because we do not experience the misery associated with them, we forget that they really exist. My prayer is that, like chicken-killing, God will open my eyes to things I tend to forget.

What To Do After God Calls

I just read this post my dad made. The thoughts were excellent. I hope you all find this useful as well!

"I Will Go"

Today Aunt Linda popped in a Steve Green album while we were driving somewhere. I'd heard this song ("I Will Go") several times before, but it really struck me again as I listened to the words. Here they are:

Give me ears to hear Your Spirit
Give me feet to follow through
Give me hands to touch the hurting
And the faith to follow You

Give me grace to be a servant
Give me mercy for the lost
Give me passion for Your glory
Give me passion for the cross

And I will go where there are no easy roads
Leave the comforts that I know
I will go and let this journey be my home
I will go
I will go

I'll let go of my ambition
Cut the roots that run too deep
I will learn to give away
What I cannot really keep
What I cannot really keep

Help me see with eyes of faith
Give me strength to run this race

I will go Lord where Your glory is unknown
I will live for You alone
I will go because my life is not my own
I will go
I will go
I will go

I was struck with the biblical accuracy of this song: Jesus calls us to follow the hard road; He warns us that we will have no home; He calls us to spread His glory to the uttermost parts of the earth.

For me, to "go" is what I am doing now - going to The Master's Mission to prepare myself for missions service to God in the future.

What does it mean for you to "go"? Are you going?

The Brink

Have you ever stood upon a precipice, looking down? Have you ever stood at the top of a zip-line, waiting to jump? Have you ever reached the top of a hill, pausing before running down it?

I feel at the moment as if I am standing on a brink, looking down and out. Life lies before me with many challenges and exciting events to anticipate. I am excited, and somewhat nervous, but I know that God is with me. I'm standing on the edge; life is about to begin, and I have no idea where it will take me.

Isn't life exciting? The very thought of it sends chills up and down my spine. Life is so vast, full of possibilities and adventures!